How Emotional Intelligence Disappears in E-Mail

Emotional intelligence has long been a popular topic among behavioral psychologists in understanding how people identify, assess and control their emotions. In recent years, it’s been increasingly buzzed about by learning and development professionals as a quality essential to the success of organizational leaders — and one they might not realize they need.

Travis Bradberry is the author of Emotional Intelligence 2.0 and the co-founder of TalentSmart, a consultancy that provides emotional intelligence (EQ) tests and training. “We spend a great deal of time researching EQ and how it connects to things like job performance, and oftentimes we find ourselves knee-deep in the issues that people encounter at work, where emotional intelligence plays a large role,” he said.

In working with companies on emotional intelligence, TalentSmart has discovered a particular need in this space: emotionally intelligent e-mailing. Bradberry noted that companies of all shapes and sizes are requesting assistance with this.

“Everyone’s had the e-mail exchange that they regret or made their skin crawl,” Bradberry said. “Let’s just say it wasn’t a single client request that led to this. We’ve studied more than half a million people now, looking at their emotional intelligence and their job performance, and it’s just a common issue that comes up again and again in our training program as something people want to talk about because it’s a challenge for them.”

According to Bradberry, the biggest stumble people make in e-mailing is not considering how the recipient of the e-mail will react when he or she reads it. “The thing that people tend to lose sight of very quickly is the perspective of the other person,” he said. “We’re so focused on what we need to say and how we’re going to say it that we lose sight of how the message is going to be received. When you’re talking to someone face to face it’s a little easier to get in their shoes because you’re actually watching them respond to what you’re saying. But when it comes to an e-mail, you have to picture someone sitting in front of their monitor, this message opening up and what it’s like to interpret an e-mail message.”